New Cousin

So I finally got to see Clara today. She is three weeks old tomorrow and beautiful. She looks a lot like Holden and she is such a cuddler. I just held her for almost an hour. I have pretty much accepted the fact that I'm not going to get married because, whatever, relationships are lame, trusting people is too hard to do anymore. But my biggest fear in life is that I will never have children. I don't need to get married and I don't a guy in my life, but I want children someday and I am thinking in the future I would like to adopt because the whole idea of squeezing something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a grapefruit does not sound appealing. I'd love to have my own children, but there are so many kids in the world already that don't have homes and need someone to take care of them. I can, and I don't need a man to help me do that. I don't think I've ever needed a guy in my life, they're convenient and helpful, but eh, whatevs, I'm over anything guy-related. It's too much hassle and not worth the fuss. I know that obviously right now it's not an option, but come May when I (hopefully) move back to Minnesota, or live anywhere but god-forsaken Nebraska, I will have a job and start securing the type of life that would be conducive to me being able to adopt. It won;t happen for another five years at least, but it's something I want in my future, for sure.